Wednesday, June 04, 2008


I wasn't in a very good mood yesterday. Thoughts of many things just crashed in my head and my brain malfunctioned for most of the day. I was really sensitive, my tears pouring down like heavy rain. I was feeling that way when I was writing the last post.

I was mad at him. I was sad because of him. My heart ached for what he did to me. I felt as if I was sitting there and clapping my hands to a silent sound; only my hand was doing the clapping. Not his. I would get excited about something and my immediate reaction is to tell him and there he is, not caring at all. But every time he tells me, I smile from end to end. I react as if it was the most funniest thing that happened or most weirdest thing or whatever it is. Sometimes, he would just move on to another topic and leave the previous one hanging, that is after hours and hours of leaving me hanging, waiting in the dark. I would be sad but acted like nothing happened.

But yesterday was just the pinnacle of all pinnacles. I just couldn't take it anymore. It was as if he was treating me like I'm a lifeless doll, like I didn't have feelings. So, I just lost it. I lost my mood. There was something else on my mind that was bothering me too but that was just sitting by the sidelines. He said he was sorry and I accepted his apology.

Then, he did it again. He started to care again. He started to say things that... I just don't know how to explain it. 'He's doing it again.' That's what I said to myself. All of this is just confusing me. Sometimes he cares, sometimes he doesn't. Can't he just make up his mind? Should I give this guy a chance? If I were to compare him to the other guys that tried to win me, he's losing. Quite bad. But he sure does win in other departments. I'm not gonna tell which. Hee~

For now, I'm happy the way this has turned out to be. I mean, he's trying to keep my feeling's in check. I just don't like the fact he's still playing with my feelings. What is it with guys?


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