It's Still The Holidays~

Now, it's halfway through my holidays and I haven't been doing nothing much. Just sitting at home, wasting my youthful days. Haha. My brain is probably so fried right now since I haven't been using it too often these days. No formulas to be memorized and no calculations to be done, except when it comes to money. Hihi.

My friends have organised a reunion for this Saturday. A barbeque at the beach. Seems interesting, huh? I can't wait for that. It has been ages since I hung out with my lower secondary schoolmates. I spent three whole years at the school before moving to another school that was closer to my new house, back then. Now we lived in this house for almost 7 years, which is quite a long time considering the fact that we always moved around.

I'm in a really confused state right now and I'm not really sure why. Just trying to figure out myself, I guess. I bought a new laptop but it seems to be causing a lot of trouble. So, I guess I should use the warranty given. Quite frustrated by this since I am forking my own money for this laptop, meaning I'm broke for semesters to come. Haha. I should start saving more and spending less. But can I? We'll just have to wait and see.

The other day, my dad told me I was an underrated driver. By my mom. Well, she really doesn't trust me when it comes to driving eventhough I have driven home to my uni back and forth well like a dozen times already. Not when it comes to driving my car but when it comes to driving her's or my dad's car. But, what the heck. One day, she'll finally agree that I'm a good driver. Haha. Running out of ideas now , so I'll just stop.

'Til then, toodles.

Sickness

I've lost quite a lot of weight recently. And this in not because of me dieting. I don't do diets. I have never thought of it and don't expect me doing it in the near future.
The real reason why I have lost weight is because I got sick twice before coming home. I guess that's why they call it
'homesick' ness.

The first time I got sick was because I went down with a fever,
coughs and a flu. I think I fell ill
because I studied too hard. Haha. Do you believe that? I kinda
believe it. Hehe. I have this habit
of studying at the library or the IRC as they call it there. So,
I always spend time at the 'winter in UTP' library. You can always find me there whether it was morning, afternoon or night time. To top it all off, my laptop drowned so I had no
reason to stay in my room (drowned: water spilled on my laptop). In fact, I was so bored of staying in my room, I coudn't wait to go to the IRC every time. I think that's just me losing my insanity.

The fever started during my second
last paper, Intro to Eng Thermo. There was definitely heat transfer
during the paper, alright. If you get what I mean. By the last paper, which was Fluid Mechanics, I was having dizzy spells. I felt like sleeping the whole time I was answering the paper. What a feeling to have when you're sitting for your finals!

After recovering from that, I fell sick again! This time it was due to food poisoning. I think I know which restaurant made me fall ill. Being sick due to food poisoning is not the best feeling. I sure don't want to go through it again. At first, I felt dizzy. Then, my stomach ached. After that,
I vomitted every single thing I ate for dinner. Then, I just couldn't get up. So my friend took me to the UTP clinic. I ate some bread and took a pill that would stop me from vomitting but guess what? I vomitted the pill together with the bread. Haha. How ironic is that? Vomitting a medicine that would have stopped from vomitting.

That night, I couldn't sleep at all. I kept vomitting. If I drank water, I would vomit it. So after 4
or 5 trips to the toilet, I kinda realized I should stop drinking water. The following afternoon, I went to the clinic again. This time it was an outside clinic. You know what the doctor told me? Don't eat anything. If I were to ever get hungry, then I can only eat bread or grains. So, I followed his advice and I ate only so I can swallow the pills. No matter how much I hated medicines, I ate it just because I could go home the following the day without having the need to puke all the way back to Melaka.

The following day was the day I went home. But before that, I had to settle my packing and put the boxes at the proper place. Since there was hardly anyone around, I had to do all the carrying
myself, even in that sick state. Where is a gentleman when you need one? =p After a few trips, I felt like fainting. Imagine. You can't eat anything and there you are carrying all the boxes and bags. Now, all your energy is gone and you can't recover it because you can't eat. Haha. I did eat 'breakfast' so I can eat my pills but it was just a piece of bread and now it's gone because I had to use it to do all the carrying. Thank god I didn't have to drive. Thanks for driving =)

Toodles.

I'm Back

I'm a perfectionist. It's so obvious. Every single thing I do or see will always have me say something in the back of my head. It's getting tiring listening to my own thoughts constantly.
Isk2. I should stop thinking. Erkk. How can I stop thinking when the
human brain is on 24 hours a day? Well, that's something I'll discover in another lifetime.

Well, anyways, the problem i kept blabbing in this blog is more than over. It's history.
I've forgiven him and now we're friends :) Awww, how cute is that? Hihi~ I told you, the road of forgiveness would have been a long one. Though because I haven't updated this blog as frequently as I have might wanted, it seemed I took a long time to forgive him since I just told you now. I don't quite remember when I forgave him but it was during the end of the January 2007 semester at my university. Haha. It has been quite a long time.

I think one of the reasons I hardly update my blogs is because these blogs also had quite a huge part in the 'then' problem. So I guess I wanted a little break from it all. Now, it seems I'm
hungry as ever to start writing again. Mind you, this my semester break so I have plenty of time to waste. To be honest, the July 2007 semester was the most hectic semester yet. Coupled with the number of events I joined and the number of problems I faced, there was a load of work to be done especially during the final 2 weeks of the semester. I thought I would die trying to finish all of them but I managed to do it.

The weekend after all the work was finished was my birthday. Eventhough study week already unofficially started that weekend, I vowed to myself I wouldn't open a single book that weekend. And I didn't. I totally enjoyed it. I even joined a bowling tournament and finished fourth. It was a trio so I had help from my teammates. Actually, they were the ones who asked me to be in the team. Watched football later that night and my birthday celebration was at midnight. After eating the cake and getting pranked, we went for ice-cream at 7-Eleven and headed to a 24-hour McDonalds outlet to eat. We were back at the uni at 7 in the morning. How's that for a birthday celebration?

I have to say my roommate is good at making birthday celebrations. My first birthday at UTP was the best but this one got to me emotionally. The prank I mean. How on Earth would you feel if someone stole your precious car. Haa. Try being in that situation. I cried but not in front of them. I also went missing for awhile as I was searching for my car. Haha. That scared the hell out of them. So it was kinda my prank to them. Though, I was touched by how scared they were while I went missing. They even started a small search party. Cool, huh?

Well, I guess that's all. This post is kinda mixed up. Just putting everything in one post because there's just too much too say. That's all for now.

Toodles.

Let Me Break Your Heart and Then Ask You If We Can Still Be Friends

I have been dying to write something in this blog for ages. I gotta admit it that the past few weeks have been a hectic one. That and the fact that I caught a flu/fever and had sore throats and brief dizziness. Next time, I'll definitely make sure I get enough rest and intake of food. huhu.

The other day, my friend and I were suddenly on a topic about recent people who somewhat left a scar in our life; and that that lead to him again. She asked me,"Why can't I just be friends again with him?" I keep talking about every stupid detail that has to do with every stupid encounter with every stupid thing that is related to him. The horror. It's not that I can't stop thinking of that stupid thing that I'm not supposed to think about. It's just that certain things make me think about it especially the stupidity of myself.

Now, my answer to her question is, I still want him to be my friend. But if I just go on with him like nothing happened, its like saying that what he did was right. That using me, betraying me and every single thing that he did that made me feel hurt was right. Sometimes, I think of him and I don't feel any sense of hatred towards him. Sometimes. Most of the time, it's not that way at all. I keep saying, "He's mean" 100 times a day. Sorry.

I don't know when I can forgive him for what he did. And I don't know anything that can make me forgive him. It's seems like an impossible thing to do. Maybe, it has to be done face to face. Maybe, I have to tell every single thoughts to him. Maybe, I have to cry in front of him until I can't cry no more. Hah. Stupid ideas. Stupid thoughts. One thing I know for sure now is, the road of forgiveness is still a long way to go.

January: In Review

It has been a long time since I updated this blog; if you exclude the previous post. That post was written in a time of anger and frustration. So, excuse me.

January was a very hectic month. This semester, I start as a graduated foundation student (but with no proper ceremony. Hhmm. When is it gonna be held? I'm waiting) and a fresh undergraduate. Supposedly, undergraduates have less credit hours but as far as I can see now, the workload has tripled; so has the classes.

For most days of the week, my class start at 8am. 8am!!! Aaarghh. The agony in having to wake up that early especially considering the fact that I always sleep late. And for the days that my class start this early, they end at 5pm. That even beats office hours. After about a month doing analysis about this, I can conclude that:

• if you want to burn the food you just ate quickly, walk from the V4 cafe to Building 4 for your lab. On the way, you will have already burned half of your food. Then, after 3 hours of experimentation, your tummy will be empty again.
• if you have a class at 8, don't even bother being there on time. Because I can assure you that no one else will be there besides the lecturer. The class will usually start 10-15 minutes late.
• by the last hour of lecture, no will be focused. Everyone will be fidgeting around waiting for the lecture to be over. Especially me.
• sleeping for 5 hours every night is not enough. Try to make it 8.

Cool, huh? Or is it too creepy? Whatever. It's your say. Apart from those 8-5 classes that I keep whining on about, there are other things that keep me busy as well. There is always something that I have to do every night; event stuff, Mandarin classes (fun!), A project, assignments, tutorials and reports. I don't even have time for myself. So, I hardly have the time to think about *tut*. Haha. Don't mistaken it to be some four-letter curse word. It's actually five-letters. And no. It's still not a curse word. Though it may sound interesting. <---Ignore me =p Oh. I almost forgot. I just discovered that the time it takes to go from Pocket D to my village is a record 5 minutes. Imagine having to run up the hill, through the cafe and down the hill again. Just so that I can print three pages of a letter to be approved. I even almost missed class for that. It was 8.50 and my class started at 9.00. It took 5 minutes to reach my room. Then, another 5 to print. Finally, another 5 to run, approve and go into class 10 minutes late. But thankfully, there were lots who were late, too.

I guess January was a month full of discoveries. Don't you think so, too?

P.S.

The Return

I hate it. It's coming back again. Maybe because of all the pressure and the fact that I'm sleep-deprived for most of the week.

I keep seeing things that are in some way related to him especially his friends. That, I don't mind. It's the fact that they keep looking at me like I'm some guilty criminal. Emmm. Hello!!! Who was the lying, back-stabbing party here? Who started this whole thing in the first place? 70% of me regret even knowing him. And the funny thing is that I didn't even do anything. I didn't even in any way provoked him to know me. I'm sooo totally innocent.

"When are you gonna get over this?" A question my friend asked me the other day. That's one question that I don't know the answer to. In one way, I'm so over it. But I just can't accept the fact how stupid I was. One part of me wants to act like nothing happened; to just act normally with him. Like normal friends. HAHA. Very funny. How can you, right?

'I saw straight into him. I didn't recognise him anymore. Was he really the person I once knew?' I'm not sure whether what I saw was true. A collision occured but not even a sense of acknowledgement was given to the other party.

Lots of things remind me. Books that fall. Guys eating in huge groups. A rainy day. Even the way I walk. How I suck at Geography. The library. That whats-its-name football club. Food that fly. They remind me on occassions when I'm down, tired, not in the mood, feeling used again; you get the picture.

Maybe. Just maybe he didn't mean it. He said that he did't want to hurt me. Well, guess what? Mission not accomplished.

New Year's Resolutions

A new year, a new me. That's my number one New Year's resolution in this so-called list that I made. Let's just forget the fact that New Year's Day was days ago. The year is still new to me :p Now, I'm in some sort of 'transition'; from being a foundation student to being an undergraduate. Ooooo. The pressure. That's why there's supposed to be some sort of change in me. Just don't expect for the results to appear from thin air. It's still early, you know.

Apart from that, this is also why I've decided to make a new blog here. I've been comtemplating for quite some time now; about making a new blog. So, here it is. I think I'll still keep the old one, though. The main reason for keeping the old one is because I always have a lot to write; that is when I don't have writer's block :p I think I was destined to be some sort of writer but since my vocabulary/grammar ain't that good, I decided against it. Actually, I never thought of becoming a writer at all. I only noticed that I had a knack for writing when I started with this blog-craze. In fact, I thought of being an accountant. Now, what am I doing? Taking up Chemical Engineering. I guess it's in the genes :p

Okay. Let's just get straight to the point before I start babbling more. I actually wanted to write about my New Year's Resolutions. Just for fun. There's nothing lost and nothing gained, right?

New Year's Resolution #1 : A new year, a new me.
It's some sort of phrase that I keep saying over and over again. Don't know for what reason. Actually, I think I know why. Something happened. That something has probably left a huge mark in my life. Bad experience in the 'some four letter word and that word is not a curse word' department. Darn (trying to keep the blog clean :p). I still feel that annoying feeling; hurt. It's going to take a long time to heal. Still, I hope this friendship won't just fade away. I still want to be in it, no matter how much it hurts.

New Year's Resolution #2 : Study smart.
This resolution has always been in my list somehow. And I always fail miserably. There is always a lot of motivation earlier on but somehow this motivation that I had earlier on will slowly die and dissapear in the darkness. muahahaha. So, in the end, I always end up doing last minute studies; SPM included. hihi. However, I'm really really going to try my best in making sure this resolution will succeed this time. Gambate!

New Year's Resolution #3 : Smile.
What a weird resolution, right?

New Year's Resolution #4 : Forgive and forget.
We'll see the outcome later on.

New Year's Resolution #5 : Die akan menyesal?
Huhu. Don't have a clue on what I'm talking about? Then, don't think about it because I also don't have an effing clue about it, too. Blur~

New Year's Resolution #6 : Saya tak mahu menyesal.
I don't want to have any regrets in my life. I'm going to live my life to the fullest.

New Year's Resolution #7 : Don't search for perfection.
This is a tough one. I keep doing it. No one's perfect. Enough of this being perfect thing already. I guess it has to do with me being the eldest; the pressure of having to succeed so that my siblings will have a good example to follow. That's why I always try to be perfect especially when it comes to the results. Now, for me everything else has to be that way too. But like I said a while back; unperfection is what makes life a bit more interesting.

I guess that's all the resolutions I've set so far. Some of them are quite common but they mean a lot to me. Hope these resolutions will succeed. hihi.

P.S. Why do they act like I'm their's? But then, they end up hurting me.

By the way, here's the link to my old blog naddy-james.blog.friendster.com